August 12, 2022

Here are some really terrible Rockets ideas/takes/proposals/speculations to get you through time to the draft.

(If you take this seriously, you have only yourself to blame.)

Is it time to cut Jalen Green?

Some might say Jalen Green was the No. 2 pick in a busy NBA draft. Some might say he is currently only 20 years old, with explosive athleticism, an eye for goal. He finished his rookie season exceptionally well, and has a bright future.

Others might point to real facts. He was nowhere near as great as Herb Jones, and chances are he will never be called Herb Jones, so he WILL never BE Herb Jones. Face it.

The Greens are averaging 17.3 points, 3.5 rbs, 2.6 ast per game. Are these superstar numbers? Are these the All-NBA numbers expected of a high pick? I do not think so. His true shooting percentage was only 55%. You don’t even want to know about other advanced metrics.

The Rockets were about as far as it could go from the playoffs. Is this leadership? Is it ringz? No.

It’s time to cut the bait.

Is Christian Wood to blame for high gas prices?

Before Christian Wood joined the Rockets, gas prices averaged $2.60 a gallon in the United States. Now? $5. Almost double. Houston is the Hollywood of the petrochemical industry, and before Christian Wood came to Houston, gasoline was incredibly cheap, especially considering inflation. Now? It’s quite expensive. Chance? Or is it Christian Wood’s fault?

US oil production is at an all-time high, but Christian Wood is still in Houston. What other conclusion can we draw from this?

We already know the Rockets would have been a No. 1 seed without him, and he’s the source of everything bad about the team, so is it really a stretch to blame him for the high prices of gasoline ?

Jae’Sean Tate refuses to grow up.

There’s a lot to love about Jae’Sean Tate. He came to the Rockets virtually free. It is a constant source of energy and enthusiasm. He plays good individual defense, rebounds well and can score inside. He gave it his all as a power forward. There is only one problem. He’s not that big for a front row player.

Tate was listed at 6’4” when he came to the Rockets in the 2020 season. He has refused to grow taller ever since. Despite the Rockets’ clear needs as a power forward, he’s still 6’4”. He’s stalled at this height, and given his age and what we’ve seen so far, it’s probably reasonable to expect he won’t grow up anytime soon.

Stephen Silas – Is ‘ph’ too sophisticated for Houston?

Who does Stephen Silas think he is? Is it too good for the letter “v”? Is he too chic and precious, just like Stephen Curry? What’s wrong with being Steven? What are we supposed to call him, “Stephe”? How to even say that? What’s next, Istvan?

Some might say that’s the name his parents gave him, and it’s a perfectly fine name with a long history, and that’s the original spelling. I would say, false. How can you expect grit, grind, uniform dirt or floor burn from a “Stephen” as opposed to a “Steve”? Let’s face it, Houston is a blue-collar city that loves one-syllable male names, in the great American tradition.

When Will Rockets Extend John Wall?

John Wall is the Rockets’ highest paid player. He was picked 1-1 in the 2009 NBA draft. He has experience. He was in the playoffs.

Eric Gordon also made the playoffs, but he’s older and was picked 7th, so later than Wall, and he’s paid a lot less than John Wall. Therefore, John Wall is the team’s best player.

As it stands, John Wall’s contract will expire at the end of this season. So far, there are no, zero, no rumors that the Rockets would make any attempt to lock up The Golden Years of John Wall. It’s a slap in the face to veteran leadership, that’s what it is.

The Rockets have traded RUSSELL WESTBROOK for John Wall! And now they’re not going to re-sign him? Absurd.

Are the Rockets even cooler?

Do people still think rockets are awesome? The moon landings took place about 50 years ago. Of course tons of money has been spent sending billionaires wearing oversized cowboy hats into space with phallic substitutes private spacecraft, and there have been helicopters on Mars, and incredible space telescopes, but maybe, just maybe, is the time for the rocket gone? Space is much less exclusive these days. Richard Branson wants to sell tickets, so that tells you something.

Perhaps we should learn a lesson from a team that pulled its mascot from a movie about giant fake dinosaurs, and has been living with it ever since (despite the grim persistence of said movies)?

What do people really like now? What do they devote their waking hours, attention and love to?

Smart phones.

Smartphones from Houston. Think about it. Lots of sponsorship opportunities there. Everyone spends hours staring at smartphones, so when they think of basketball, what do they think? Smart phones. When was the last time NASA paid for an ad?