August 12, 2022

The Royals are 20 games under .500. It’s the worst team in baseball. That’s the reality, so that’s what we have to write here at Royals Review. And it’s not fun. But baseball is supposed to be fun, and as frustrating as this season has been, the Royals had a little fun on the plane ride to San Francisco.

As announced by Whit Merrifield, Kansas City hosted an NBA-themed trip to the West Coast, with veterans picking out uniforms for younger kids.

Let me start by saying it’s good that the Royals are having fun. Stay out of the comments with your “why don’t you focus more on winning” shots. Players do not form teams. They don’t choose who writes or trades them for them. By all accounts, this team plays hard and just isn’t very good. When that happens, it’s hard to blame the list itself for not being better than it actually is.

That said, I think we also deserve to have fun. So we’re interrupting your usual Royals doomsday coverage with a ranking of the best NBA compositions on the Royals roster, with help from Merrifield’s Twitter account.

Here is the group photo for reference. I have circled each of the five compositions on this list and you can use that as a point of reference as we explore this important question.

1. MJ Melendez as Trae Young

My freshman coach told me something that stuck with me until today: look good, feel good, play good. If there’s one player who embodies that mantra on this team, it’s MJ Melendez. He easily has the best aesthetic on the team with the gear he wears and his beautiful swing.

So it’s no surprise that MJ eyed the part when he was asked to play the Atlanta Hawks’ Trae Young.

Now from my understanding Merrifield and the other vets spent a lot of time developing these comps so I guess they tried to find NBA players that look or give off a similar vibe to the Royal that represents them . So based on that and Trae Young’s reputation, it would seem that this composition wasn’t meant to be flattering.

But Melendez took what was meant for evil and turned it into good. Not to mention, MJ’s size and athleticism translates easily to the basketball court. I don’t know if he’s a hooper, but based on aesthetics alone, if Trae Young gets a movie, he can only pray that MJ plays it.

2. Brady Singer as Larry Bird

Other guys were more adventurous than Brady, some more creative, and no doubt he had smarter teammates. Pretty much every teammate, in fact. He looks a bit like a fish out of water in this uniform compared to his teammates, which is why he ranks so high on this list. Brady comes in second for one reason and one reason only:

I’ve never seen Brady Singer and Larry Bird in the same room, so I can’t definitively rule out that Brady Singer isn’t actually Larry Bird.

Pound for pound it was the most accurate composition of the flight and I think the pictures speak for themselves.

3. Josh Staumont as Bill Walton

Staumont’s shirt number is partially covered up, so it’s hard to tell who he represents. But based on the first digit (3) and some research I’ve done, combined with his look, I think he represents 1976-77 Bill Walton.

You have no idea how tough the battle between Brady and Josh is, especially after I decided that Josh was representing Walton. Everything from the pose to the headband, to Josh’s mystical hair, short shorts and what I believe to be knee pads perfectly personifies Big Red, Grateful Red, the Red Baron, or however you remember Walton .

He gets bonus points for being the only guy in the photo without a smile on his face. He’s a serious thug. It’s not a game for him, it’s a business trip.

4. Whit Merrifield as John Stockton

Whit arranged all of this, so before you sue me for nepotism, let me inform you that I had no communication with Whit about this play. My research, my sources and my due diligence are impeccable and I implore you to prove otherwise.

I believe Whit represents John Stockton, and it’s hard not to see him as one of the more accurate compositions. Like Stockton, Whit was an unheralded prospect who significantly exceeded expectations. Both players’ intelligence and understanding of their respective games helped them overcome the lack of terrific physical tools. Whit is an unselfish team player and his batting control is reminiscent of Stockton’s passing accuracy.

Whit’s defensive posture also gives him bonus points. He is the only player who is, at the very moment of this photo, ready to lock you up. He might be higher on this list, but we’d need to see how he and Jose Quas, who plays Karl Malone in this photo, work in the pick and roll to get him that spot at No. 3.

5. Daniel Mengden as Chris Mullin

Good for Daniel, making this list before he’s even pitched a single inning for the Royals. Mengden was recently promoted to Kansas City with Joel Payamps on the COVID-19 injured list and could soon make his first MLB appearance in two years.

But before that, he finds himself on this important list, for three main reasons. First, the hair. When it comes to accuracy, this mockup isn’t the best. Mengden’s Woody-from-Toy-Story look is a far cry from Chris Mullin’s iconic flattop, but I’ll skip it because it suits our needs perfectly. However, the integrity of this list is not in question.

Second, the mustache. Again, not the most accurate composition. But he gets bonus points because it looks like something he can pull off in an Indiana jersey.

Finally, the boots. Before I get to the nitty-gritty, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the tan line revealed by her shorts. Tan line or not, her boots are a bold choice. Now, boots aren’t the best sneakers. But he does something no NBA player has ever had the guts to do, and it’s worth noting.

This is the definitive ranking of the Royals as NBA players. There’s no other. The reports and research here have been dumped for over an hour. That said, we want to hear your thoughts in the comments.


Which Royals was the best NBA comp?

  • 8%

    Whit Merrifield

    (12 votes)

  • seven%

    Other (let us know in the comments)

    (10 votes)

134 voices in total

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